My Life as a Donkey

23 March 2012

I have been called an ass before. And you know what? I wish I was an ass! If I was an ass I could just stand around all day chewing on some grass and hay and shaking my tail. I'd love to have a tail. I'd have the best tail in town!

If I was an ass, I could give little kids a ride or maybe some old peoples too. That would be cool. Maybe after I gave people rides, they’d give me a little kiss on my cheek. Maybe people would think it was good luck to kiss me!! My owners could tell people to come kiss their ass for good luck!

I could carry some supplies around for people and maybe even start a business for my owners. I could hear my owners now as they ride me around, “Hey I gotta get off my ass and get some groceries delivered!”

If I was having a slow day and people couldn’t get me to move, they could build a fire underneath me! I’m sure my owners would agree that the best way to get your ass moving is to start a fire underneath it. Of course, knowing me the way I do, that when it was cold outside, I would want to warm my butt by the fire! That would teach people a lesson about irony. They would see me and think “Wow, an ass warming his butt by the fire.”

Come to think of it, being an ass would be a pretty nice thing. I think we sometimes take an ass for granted and we should be more appreciative of the ass. They have served a noble and useful purpose since the beginning of time. Helping mankind throughout eternity! So call me an ass and I will swell with happiness! I will hoist my head up and bray, howl, or whatever it is that they do, in complete ass pride!!! No matter what, I think I will continue being me and if that means being an ass, I am ok with that.

Have a Great Day Ya’ll!!

Today’s “Did Ya Know”: It is “National Puppy Day”!!!!!! We have progressed as a society now to the point that we have a special day for puppies!!!!! I like puppies. They’re cute! Until they pee on the floor then they’re trouble!!!! I know that my wife and I both want puppies and today would be a great day for us or anyone else to go out and get a puppy! Adopt a puppy at a local animal shelter or pound!!! Puppies can make all the bad things in the world less bad and more manageable! How about puppy breath? What are your thoughts on puppy breath?